i'll take you beyond love .

Sometimes its hard for me to tell you exactly what is going on in my mind,
a faraway look staring into space, you would say.
a knit brow, a balled fist, a changed tone; you always notice
and I love that about you, how you always seem to know
when something isnt quite where it should be...

but its so hard for me to tell you what is on my mind
in my eyes, your so perfect, you dont do things wrong
the way i do....
you dont worry about stupid, inconsequential things
the way i do
-I dont want to make you think of me differently because of my many

But sometimes
Its hard for me To tell you What is on my mind
Because I dont want You to think
All I do is complain

Because I dont want To look like
All I want is attention

Because if your in A good mood
I wouldnt want To ruin it for you

Because you make me so happy
All of my problems Seem dimmer, smaller
When Im with you

Because there is a wall
Built sturdily around my heart
Constructed slowly over time
Through experiences Of my own
You have yet To hear of-
This wall that Holds my heart
And forever reminds me
To be careful with Everything I do or say-
Who I trust.

And I wouldnt want you
To think its you-
Oh no absolutely not

But Ive learned over time
some people you cannot trust
And that Guys, Girls, boys and Ladies
Are only there to hurt you
With only one goal in their mind
Ive learned that The one you care about most
Will always leave you;
Betray you
Hurt you
Laugh at you
And then
Walk a way

So Im trying hard To take down the wall
But when I say Im fine
When I snap at you
For trying to Decipher my
Incoherent thoughts
When Im too quiet For myself;
Know its not you
Know I love you
Know how badly
I want to get it out of me
Know how badly
I want to trust you
And know
I never want To stop trying

But also know Its hard for me
To build trust With someone
Know and realize You have the 
Poetential to Shatter my heart
In a thousand pieces
In less Than a sentence;
I have to be careful.

But also know How much
I absolutely 
Love you. 



Monophobia .
+ = Me .
Philophobia .

Thinking. Can't stop thinking.
Think of you. This. That. That Life. That day.
That dream was mine.
A Utopian dream.

Your aura; struck me like lightning to a tree.
Pointy, like a star, you shone.
So bright, yet not shining as a star would,
But as apparent as white chalk on a blackboard.
You would not show off like a star.
Yet you did burn so hot, so fiercely, so explosively -
you were a star in my eyes.

But like all stars, you died.
That beauty was gone.
No pull between us.
The atmosphere was dry
and I began to choke.
I was taken from my star - like a child being taken from its poor,
drunken mother - I did not know what was happening.
Dazed. Confused. Without true reality, I there sat.

The end of my world had only just begun, with yours beginning.


Today, and life .

Life: 95%
Love: 0%
Money: 50%
Happiness: 53.5%

Hello :)
today was fun I guess, although, it was VERY wet and cold
well that's what I get for living in Canada right? haha
but honestly, one of my BEST boxing days ever even though I didn't buy anything =D
geeze, all of you got nice things except for me.. Jordan 1's... hyper dunks.. all I got was sushi. ( I like what I bought)
What ever though, I would trade Jordan 1's, hyper dunks, and even sushi just to have another great time with you guys ( shout out to Matt, Brando, Tala, Cassandra and Jon love you guys haha).

The highlight for my day today though is when we got off the sky train and all those Canucks fans went onto the Skytrain and Brando... your priceless, he got off the skytrain and knocked on the window when it was leaving, and he gave the finger to all those Canucks fans and there expressions were priceless, and your piceless Brando haha.

oh my gosh. I played in the snow, in my shorts! in The Lynn Valley.. knee deep snow.. haha
I played so much that my legs were actually burning from the cold :S, I dont know but that seems pretty bad to me.
after that we went into the house and played a little Playstation 2, old school<3 haha, phoned home, got killed by my Parents, walked down a HUGE hill, hopped on a bus, seabussed home, skytrained home, waited for bus, half an hour late, got picked up by Tita Amy :P ( courtesy of Jon), hopped down from the car, leaped over hurdles of snow, got home, created a blogspot, and now im writing this... what more can I ask for?

Again.. Best Christmas Ever.

Not all is good though, I felt bad for the past few days cause of "her" , felt like I was pushed aside, I put all my effort into her, and it seems like she doesent care at all, but I cant blame her, Im nothing special, I have nothing to offer but my unconditional love, but I guess in the end, nice guy loses right?

Oh well, someday .

Best wishes, Merry Christmas and happy new year

- tomtom.